"Life is all about learning how to love, and God wants us to value relationships and make every effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt or a conflict."
- Rick Warren
Taking human development classes really has an effect on my perception of people and I often find myself categorizing personality types and attributing others' actions to the theories of people who spend their lives figuring out why people are the way they are. Though I want to be in on God's huge mysteries about His beloved ones, I find that I can know all the psychological mechanisms for certain behaviors or actions but I still cannot explain how BIG his Love was and is. I think the world is in bad shape when I type in the google search bar "define" and the first suggested word is love.
to be continued
Monday, September 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
take it day by day
God is taking me in so many directions. After taking the summer to do some thinking (and being physically active!!) I've come to the conclusion that I seldom ENJOY things. God's been teaching me this all summer and yet I still have trouble finding joy in all the things He's blessed me with. It's been a good summer- full of heartache, growth, change, fun, learning and love. He has slowly been maturing my faith and bringing me to a deeper level of intimacy with Him. Being home is always hard but as I face the brokenness I am constantly reminded of how much I need Him. Though it seems like I am the worst me when I'm at home, faith and the Cross becomes so much more real. When I fail as a friend, a daughter, and a sister His perfect love is that much more beautiful. While these lessons are heavy on the heart, I find hope in knowing that He is the one who loves and adores me-- that I can wake up tomorrow and try again. There is deep joy in my heart from knowing that He delights in me and wants to share His beauty with me and through me. While it often appears that I am doing everything but the latter, I find peace in knowing that it doesn't change the fact that that is still what He desires--for me to share His holiness.
My professor once discussed the culture of overachieving college students (cornell kids in particular hahaha) who have always planned out their whole lives and have taken every means necessary to prepare and reach their goals. This rang so TRUE for so many of us in that lecture hall and I am sure it speaks much of our generation. For a long time that's how I've always known to live my life--set a goal and reach it. But over this summer I've come to realize that maybe its really not about the goals but the journey. I know it seems really simplistic and almost common knowledge but I've just been programmed to ACHIEVE, EXCEL, ACHIEVE SOME MORE. It took a 5 mile run and a whole lot of failing, frustration, and good friends to realize that FAITH means so much more than that. God has called us not to be doctors, lawyers, or some form of high status professional, but to simply live everyday as His children. Goals are awesome in that they provide a sense of direction but it's the journey that is just as important, if not more. With that in mind, I am re-energized and just about ready for whats to come in my last year of college as I learn to ENJOY Him and all the blessings He's given me.
My professor once discussed the culture of overachieving college students (cornell kids in particular hahaha) who have always planned out their whole lives and have taken every means necessary to prepare and reach their goals. This rang so TRUE for so many of us in that lecture hall and I am sure it speaks much of our generation. For a long time that's how I've always known to live my life--set a goal and reach it. But over this summer I've come to realize that maybe its really not about the goals but the journey. I know it seems really simplistic and almost common knowledge but I've just been programmed to ACHIEVE, EXCEL, ACHIEVE SOME MORE. It took a 5 mile run and a whole lot of failing, frustration, and good friends to realize that FAITH means so much more than that. God has called us not to be doctors, lawyers, or some form of high status professional, but to simply live everyday as His children. Goals are awesome in that they provide a sense of direction but it's the journey that is just as important, if not more. With that in mind, I am re-energized and just about ready for whats to come in my last year of college as I learn to ENJOY Him and all the blessings He's given me.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
tryptophan makes me trippy
Guess its been awhile since ive posted. Life has been interesting. I'm so excited to see where God is taking me. Though I know we've been distant, and that its entirely my fault, He still gives me grace and lets me know that He's waiting and adoring me. Biochem quiz tomorrow...i will update for you folks later.
Monday, April 13, 2009
CONCENTRATE
concentrate on whats important girl!!!!! a million things are running through my head...PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
WEIRD
so im kind of in a weird funk...maybe its a number of things combined but either way i dont like it! No worries its nothing hugely upsetting or whatever its just a weird transitional phase in my life. Thinking about the future and life after college is a little scary..cant imagine what seniors are going through! Sometimes it just feels silly..the things i worry about like...job/grad school, a place to live, income, student loans, home church, missions?, fellowship, and this one's the worst...a husband! aaaaaaaah. ok bye
All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations" (Jeremiah 1:5, NIV). "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations" (Jeremiah 1:5, NIV). "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
Thursday, January 22, 2009
"Hi my name is Marion. I go to Cornell University"
WARNING: My brain is pretty scattered but then again we never really make sense when we think out loud.
For the past year or two it never seemed to be apparent what the hype was all about. Perhaps, it was because going to an ivy league seemed so unattainable. I still recall that my fresh- out- of- high school self was seemingly disappointed in the end results of the college process. Something that I had been striving and wrestled with for so long was the battle for that name-- that "(Insert IVY League/ prestigious maybe even elitist private university name here ) " is the school that I have proven myself worthy of. The academic institution that would encompass my entire intellect and all that I have built myself up to be for the sake of one thing- my high horse of which I've come to despise , my pride.
So in my state of utter disappointment at saying, "I go to Binghamton University" which usually follows with, "its a State university in upstate New York," I'd cringe and hate it. Little did I know my world would be entirely changed there. It became a place that I grew to love beyond words. A place where I had grown ten-fold if not more. Though the campus was far from the beauties of the gothics you picture when you hear "university," it was and is, a place of sanctuary. I found my Peace there. I found family and above of all, I found Love. I found deep, heart wrenching, painfully learned, true, soul satisfying Love. As corny as it may seem, It was Him. My story with Jesus is ugly, but beautiful, sad, but joyous, broken, but perfect. There is not a doubt in my mind that I was destined to have gone to Binghamton and to meet my amazing Love. But I did not really see this until I left Binghamton and came to Cornell University.
Though Binghamton may have shown me the very essence of my heart and all the insecurities of what it means to be a fallen being, I never appreciated it until I was brought to this place: the university of my dreams. I cant help but feel almost ashamed that I had not wanted more for myself. A university with an esteemed name, THATS IT?! Thats all i wanted? How foolish of me. After letting go of my dreams, embracing Binghamton and experiencing some of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with, I'm here. I go to Cornell University and I have no idea how to feel. One semester has gone and as I look back I cant help but feel like this is how life will be like. Our deepest desires will not be obtained until He thinks we're ready. It's funny that it was when I finally let go and did not care about the pride in the name of a university that it was given back to me-- but this time, in the form of reality. I go to Cornell University and my time here has been amazing. I ended my semester with grades that I normally would not think would suffice for "good" but nonetheless, I am LEARNING so much. For the first time in my life I feel like I am engaged and learning in a setting among truly extraordinary people. Last semester, one of my professors ended the class with this: "There is hope but also much to be changed. Now go change the world." Though we're told that as students, "we are the future," that "we're the ones that are going to change the world," never have I truly felt like this was true. Finishing up my first semester at one of the top universities in the world, I couldn't help but feel like this was what He had destined for me. So many times in my life I've been encouraged that I would be amazing but never have I truly believed it until I came here. So what can I say about receiving an Ivy League education or let alone, any form of upper level education? It truly is a privilege and a gift from God. It should not and can not be taken for granted. I wouldn't be here today without my Love who I had come to know during my time at Binghamton, and have grown to love at Cornell. I would not be at such an amazing institution if not for the path that He had planned for me because I simply would not have understood the honor of being a part of what some have called the "best and the brightest".
"With great powers comes great responsibilities" - an awesome quotation that seems more than fitting when our dreams have finally been handed to us.
Next Goal: Medical School--I am glad to say that it is no longer the idol that it had once been in my life. Though it still consumes my worries, I have a much bigger dream and that is, to be a part of His amazing love for this world of which we are called to change.
P.S. I am too lazy to properly punctuate or fix grammatical errors. Sorry folks.
- mare
For the past year or two it never seemed to be apparent what the hype was all about. Perhaps, it was because going to an ivy league seemed so unattainable. I still recall that my fresh- out- of- high school self was seemingly disappointed in the end results of the college process. Something that I had been striving and wrestled with for so long was the battle for that name-- that "(Insert IVY League/ prestigious maybe even elitist private university name here ) " is the school that I have proven myself worthy of. The academic institution that would encompass my entire intellect and all that I have built myself up to be for the sake of one thing- my high horse of which I've come to despise , my pride.
So in my state of utter disappointment at saying, "I go to Binghamton University" which usually follows with, "its a State university in upstate New York," I'd cringe and hate it. Little did I know my world would be entirely changed there. It became a place that I grew to love beyond words. A place where I had grown ten-fold if not more. Though the campus was far from the beauties of the gothics you picture when you hear "university," it was and is, a place of sanctuary. I found my Peace there. I found family and above of all, I found Love. I found deep, heart wrenching, painfully learned, true, soul satisfying Love. As corny as it may seem, It was Him. My story with Jesus is ugly, but beautiful, sad, but joyous, broken, but perfect. There is not a doubt in my mind that I was destined to have gone to Binghamton and to meet my amazing Love. But I did not really see this until I left Binghamton and came to Cornell University.
Though Binghamton may have shown me the very essence of my heart and all the insecurities of what it means to be a fallen being, I never appreciated it until I was brought to this place: the university of my dreams. I cant help but feel almost ashamed that I had not wanted more for myself. A university with an esteemed name, THATS IT?! Thats all i wanted? How foolish of me. After letting go of my dreams, embracing Binghamton and experiencing some of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with, I'm here. I go to Cornell University and I have no idea how to feel. One semester has gone and as I look back I cant help but feel like this is how life will be like. Our deepest desires will not be obtained until He thinks we're ready. It's funny that it was when I finally let go and did not care about the pride in the name of a university that it was given back to me-- but this time, in the form of reality. I go to Cornell University and my time here has been amazing. I ended my semester with grades that I normally would not think would suffice for "good" but nonetheless, I am LEARNING so much. For the first time in my life I feel like I am engaged and learning in a setting among truly extraordinary people. Last semester, one of my professors ended the class with this: "There is hope but also much to be changed. Now go change the world." Though we're told that as students, "we are the future," that "we're the ones that are going to change the world," never have I truly felt like this was true. Finishing up my first semester at one of the top universities in the world, I couldn't help but feel like this was what He had destined for me. So many times in my life I've been encouraged that I would be amazing but never have I truly believed it until I came here. So what can I say about receiving an Ivy League education or let alone, any form of upper level education? It truly is a privilege and a gift from God. It should not and can not be taken for granted. I wouldn't be here today without my Love who I had come to know during my time at Binghamton, and have grown to love at Cornell. I would not be at such an amazing institution if not for the path that He had planned for me because I simply would not have understood the honor of being a part of what some have called the "best and the brightest".
"With great powers comes great responsibilities" - an awesome quotation that seems more than fitting when our dreams have finally been handed to us.
Next Goal: Medical School--I am glad to say that it is no longer the idol that it had once been in my life. Though it still consumes my worries, I have a much bigger dream and that is, to be a part of His amazing love for this world of which we are called to change.
P.S. I am too lazy to properly punctuate or fix grammatical errors. Sorry folks.
- mare
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